Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I joined the Peace Corps to become a better person than I am and yet today I feel lesser than I was. In all honesty I knew that the honeymoon period would not last forever so in many respects I am prepared for how I am feeling today, and yet it is still tough. Don't you worry people...there is ZERO chance that I will not be seeing this through, but I would be lying to you all if I did not share my honest feelings. My brain freaking hurts! I don't mean that as a matter of speaking, it seriously hurts. Bits and pieces of my language training are sinking in but I feel so overwhelmed by the volume of information being thrown at me that sometimes my mind just stops working. I think (hope) this is normal for a new Peace Corps volunteer to be having these feelings but I cannot wallow in will only bring me down (farther down than I am feeling today).

Please don't read this and worry...please consider the gravity of the changes I have endured over the past month and i think you will agree it is pretty normal to have a bad day or two. Whatever that doesn't kill me will only make me cliche as that saying is there really are few truer words. Speaking of almost dying...I taught my first class yesterday and if it wasn't for my brilliant partner Lauren (3+ years of Russian Langauge classes under her belt) I dount I would have survived the experience. The lesson (about the dangers of smoking) actually went over pretty well in our minds but that was not the feedback we were given by our teaching adivsor. It's kind of disheartening to finally get your first lesson over with and then be made to feel like you performed poorly...maybe I'm just being over-sensitive, who knows. 16 hour days (study time included) tend to do that to joke...

Anyway...I still am extremely happy with my host family and consider two of my host cousins to be friends. I went over to one of their homes on Sunday night for his 18th Birthday party and had the best night of my Ukrainian stay. I was made to feel as though I was a part of their family which did wonders to cure my case of the blahs. I also discovered I enjoy shots of Cognak...good to know. Too bad Monday had to come and ruin everything! All and all I really still do feel positive about my being here. I know there will be lows far lower than what I am feeling today and am hopeful that the highs (like Sunday) will make the struggles all worth while. You all have given me such great feedback which really serves as motivation for me...keep the emails have no idea how I look forward to reading them. And please do not be offended if I do not respond to each of you in short time. I get on the computer once or twice a week and for no more than 45 miuntes or an hour each time so be patient...Miss you all!!

No comments: